Deceptively Delicious: What to Cook if You Hate Vegetables
The first step is to admit it: you hate vegetables. The second step is to realize: vegetables can be mouthwatering on their own. And if you don’t agree, we’ve got a culinary gimmick or two to get your chard tasting like rib roast.. There’s absolutely no shame in a little trickery, especially if it’s your health on the line!
Vegetables That’ll Prove You Don’t Really Hate Vegetables
I totally get it–hatred of vegetables is deeply ingrained. There’s a billion jokes on TV about hating veggies. You have a billion bad childhood memories of grandma’s zucchini bread. But as much as we’d all like to gorge on sweets, I’d love for you to live past 35. Here’s a list I put together compiling some guaranteed gateway veggies, whether you’re usually a strict carnivore or a candy addict. So dust off your food processor, take my hand, and learn to love the green devil!
Brussel Sprouts
If you need your vegetables tasting as close as possible to meat, then brussel sprouts might well be your new best friend. They might look like bitter green eggs from vegan hell, but these little gems can soak up tons of flavor in every bud. Minimal seasoning, a little salt, garlic, or olive oil, is all you need to turn a brussel sprout into a flavor bomb. Also, the crunch factor of brussel sprouts absolutely cannot be beat. With proper preparation, you can get your sprouts tasting like the best popcorn chicken you ever had.
Asparagus
I consider asparagus to be a close cousin to brussel sprouts, since they’re useful in such similar ways to the cook who hates vegetables. Asparagus yields a delightful snap when bitten into, with a meaty, pithy center that’ll appeal to even the most carnivorous tastes. They pair well with many of the same seasonings and ingredients as brussel sprouts: lemon, garlic, olive oil, pepper, just a touch of one or more and you’re good to go!
Beet
If you hate vegetables but love your sweets, then beets need to be your veggie of choice. There’s a reason why these beautiful crimson bulbs are called nature’s candy: they’ve got a natural, subtle, fresh-tasting sweetness that can brighten up any dish. Whether sliced and boiled or grated raw, beets can be your secret weapon against obesity and heart disease.
Onions
In their natural form, onions are probably the main reason why people hate vegetables. While raw, they’re pungent, corrosive to the tongue, and tear-inducing, but when prepared correctly, they hardly deserve to be called vegetables. Cooked onions add a unique zing and sweet spice to any dish, and when caramelized, onions add a savory pungency so powerful, you’ll think twice about calling veggies flavorless.
Animal Fats Are Your Secret Weapon
If you’ve never had a vegetable dish you’ve liked, you’ve probably never had one properly seasoned. If you don’t plan on going full vegetarian or vegan, then cooking your vegetables in animal fats is a winning trick. Don’t believe all of the bad press regarding animal fats. Natural fats from red meat contain saturated fat. This type of fat is less damaging than the trans fats contained in common cooking materials like margarine and some vegetable oils. Thus, if you regularly cook bacon, don’t throw away the pan grease! Bag that liquid goodness, fridge it, and fry your brussel sprouts in it for a crunchy treat that tastes like street food. So feel free to experiment with many types of animal fats, and as a final word, everyone owes it to themselves to try duck fat at least once. It is unbelievable.
Vegetable Dishes That Don’t Taste Like Vegetable Dishes
So we’ve learned a few tricks to make vegetables palatable, but what actual recipes are there to try? Tons.
The ultimate way to cheat cholesterol death is, of course, the handy vegetable smoothie. Smoothies are fast, delicious, portable, and it’s quite hard to do wrong. Add whatever ingredients you please, taste, and balance out the bitters with sweet fruits or honey.
A vegetable-based curry, for example, is one surefire way to incorporate greens into your diet if you hate vegetables. It’s sort of a no-brainer: what better way to hide veggie bitterness than under a ton of flavorful spices? Curry dishes often incorporate exotic flavors like coconut, turmeric, ginger, and tamarind (or if that sounds too strenuous, go with a curry powder mix). These camouflage the taste of vegetables so well that it’s almost criminal.
Why not try a traditional meat dish, converted into a healthier option? The vegetable pot pie is yet another veggie dish far more delicious than it has any right to be. The thickness added by the milk and potato soup stock is hearty enough to satisfy any palette. Side with home-baked biscuits for a complete treat.
Last but not least, chili is another traditional protein-packed dish that doesn’t necessarily need meat at all. Kidney and black beans provide a meaty texture to distract the tongue, while chili spices complete the illusion with complex flavors. Plus, chili is just too easy to refrigerate and bust out whenever you need a dip or convenient snack.
